success

there are too many days i downplay my parenting abilities because of my mommy mishaps. but after my river trip... the one in which everyone survived... i thought i do do some stuff right. i have a lot of success stories. and i should surely focus on those. instead of the hiccups.

for instance:
i have used my skillful manipulation tactics to convince her that mommy will be so careful while brushing her hair. she no longer runs from me.

after the 'world's greatest fit' thrown saturday night at the river, i felt defeated. i felt like i was failing this parenting test. that she isn't in the best hands. {and for the record... nothing crazy happened. no spanking or traumatizing events.} just me feeling out of control and both of us being overly tired. i told her she was being a brat. and then felt terrible for telling her that. although... she probably didn't hear me over her screams.

we are so alike that i totally get it. i get her moods. her crazy behavior. her bossiness. but it doesn't make it easier.

it does make me appreciate my mom more. for letting me be me. she dealt with the exact same circumstances {a bossy girl} and never made me feel bad about myself. 

“Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.”
― Bill Ayers

mississippi mud puppy

moo girl was coined 'mississippi mud puppy' by uncle cory's friend.

although 'colorado river mud puppy' would have been more appropriate.

this weekend was our first trip as a family of four to the river. and we brought in reinforcements. sweet uncle cory agreed to be ryan's right hand man while i was the baby wrangler. although both boys helped with that too.

it started with a little hiccup.

the weather was perfect. the babies behaved in their lifejackets. allowed me to lather them in sunscreen without a fuss. mr. niz LOVED the boat. he flailed his arms and legs when the engine started. the same way he does when he sees his bottle, food, and the bath tub running. 

uncle cory entertained moo girl.

niz was too distracted by boy noises to nap in the boat. unless it was running. and when it stopped he woke up screaming. i guess it's in his blood.

she loved the boat too. the sandbar. the special occasion juice she drank. she socialized with other kids. floated down the river with daddy. she threw one serious overly tired/no nap fit saturday night. it was her best yet. 

niz ate sand. crawled in the water. he slept through the night. he is a river boy. already.

was it easy? no.

was it the river i once knew and loved? kinda of. 

do i have a new found respect for my parents? absolutely. it's a hard 'vacation' with little ones. and we literally grew up here. 

will we do it again? umm... sure. i may need some time.

being true to myself

so... i decided to have babies.
first i got pregnant. then i gained weight. and since weight gain is supposed to happen, i started to indulge. and before i knew it, treats became daily staples and dessert came after every.single.meal. yes... i may or may not have eaten sweet delights hours after breakfast. or with breakfast. or as breakfast.

and these terrible habits formed. before i knew it, i was no longer pregnant. i was no long breast feeding. he was no longer 2 weeks old. and i no longer have an excuse. an excuse to eat like it was my last meal. an excuse to look like that naked. an excuse to be a bit... or a lot... out of control.

i tried to embrace it.

but i can't. 

i am a water person. i live in a swimsuit for months out of the year. and the thought of putting on a suit made me reevaluate the activity at hand. and that is not okay. i am not giving up my love of water for my hatred of this current mess. although this might sound overly dramatic... that is not my intent. i can nip this in the butt now... or continue to spiral out of control.

i am looking at my wedding pictures for inspiration. i want that version of me back. i will get that version on me back.

 

guilty pleasures

or lack there of.

i am officially getting rid of my post baby belly. yes, the stretch marks will stay forever, the roll... cannot. i am no longer indulging in sweets. and i am forcing my hungry self to portion control. it's a long road to recovery, but it has to be done. i cannot wear yoga pants for the rest of my life. and nothing else fits.

i am no longer using my credit card. in other words... i must save up, then by that random item i've talked myself into so desperately 'needing'. yuck.

what does this all equate to? a little more snappy, anxious, grouchier version of myself.

it's so not fun. but it's so worth it. i think.

luckily my partner in crime and auntie m send me encouraging texts to keep me in check. and that snarky two year old doesn't stop bossing me around all day. so i rarely sit down.