the ups and the downs...

of marriage.
i'm in an up right now. as in... stare at him from across the room and daydream like i did 13 years ago. in biology class. when my heart skipped a beat when he borrowed that blue pencil. that i may or may not have saved for years.
I just want to be right next to him. listen to him talk. hold hands in the car. i love that this feeling still exists in the same relationship. that i still get nervous.

i look at him and see the slightest changes. and they make him more handsome.  

i steer clear of broadcasting my feelings when we're in a low. and i hate that there are lows. perhaps a necessary evil.

he is so easy to love. he is easy to talk to. he is easy on me. kind. loving. even when i don't deserve it. sometimes i think i just get in the way of myself.

i use to tell him i wanted to marry him.
then... i want to have babies with you.
now... let's run away together. {is that terrible?}

 

from the mouth of *MY* babe {2}

her: i can't like it.
me: why?
her: because it's too big
me: huh?
this is her reason for disliking anything. and it rarely makes sense. and it always makes us laugh.

while camping last weekend in the trailer...
i'm in the shower. the radio is on. i can barely make out the song. but i clearly hear:
'i hate this song'
i nearly fall out laughing. i turn off the water only to recognize that it's rage against the machine. and i couldn't agree more.

we made cookies for her teachers. i handed them to her to pass over. she looked up and in the silliest voice said, 'you like your cookies?' {the way cookie monster says 'cookies'} it's my new favorite sentence to imitate. until i realize i just said 'cookies' and she's demanding one.

my silly goose. i love her. a lot.

preschool

i suppose the end-of-the-week preschool bill is a little less painful when:

she sings 'God is good, God is great' in the bathtub

i walk through the door in the late afternoon and she says 'i don't want to go home!'

when she comes home with this:

she tells me 'i had a good day today'

i ask her 'what did you learn today?' and she quickly says, 'i learned about... fire or pumpkins or bears or turkeys'

what warms my heart the most and takes the sting off the tuition the most is watching her eyes light up for her teacher. and when the kids say... 'goodbye maquwren' and she yells back... 'bye guys!'

chicken hominy soup

this is currently my favorite meal.

{chicken hominy soup}
tastes like a mexican vegetable soup

add:
a few teaspoons olive oil to the bottom of your pot
4 teaspoons cumin
2.5 teaspoons paprika
one diced onion
sauté until the onion is soft

add 10 cups chicken broth

add 4-6 freshly sliced zucchinis
a handful of baby carrots
4-6 frozen chicken legs {i use the costco prepackaged kind}
one can diced tomatoes {do not drain} or 2 freshly diced tomatoes
one large can of hominy {do not drain}. target- mexican food aisle.
4 teaspoons tabasco

cook on high for 20 minutes
let simmer until chicken is fully cooked

serve in a bowl. add crushed tortilla chips and an avocado on top. heaven. and it's fairly healthy ;)

halloween... and a few tears

the weekend before halloween we hit up the {mostly} unsuspecting campers at san elijo. they were so kind to scramble around their trailers and tents looking for the perfect treat. chips ahoys, licorice, popcorn. 

on the actual day we went to ryan's sister's. 

she was brave. a little too brave perhaps. 

this weekend i looked at that pile of orange and black. the hat with the dangling spider, the stockings, her skirt. i got choked up. wiped a few tears. 

this will be their last year wearing these costumes. the memory of buying that sweet witch costume with my mom at UTC. the debate between the dragon and the pumpkin. 

this will be the last year ryan will be able to carry nizzy the entire time. maybe the last time she will eagerly hold my hand as we go house to house.

it's funny that i thought she was going to be scared. and cry. and i ended up being the one who did that.