Sunday, January 29, 2012

a day to remember

two weeks ago ryan played hooky. well... is it hooky if you ask? maybe not. it was to celebrate my last days of maternity leave. ever. we are done having babies. so we made a day of it.

the water heater was misbehaving. we waited for hot water. it allowed for a lazy morning.

we did a quick photo shoot. in jammies. or lack there of.

we drove to Coronado. {i will live here someday. right after we win the lottery.} we ate at the Coronado Brewing Company. very family friendly. highly recommended. enough room to house our double B.O.B. next to our table. crayons, kid cups, and place mats to color on. the newest way to win me over.

baby D enjoyed the basketball game. is it bad when your four month old already loves tv?

then we headed to Grossmont Center. we strolled through Target. my happy place. then to the fountain. moo made some wishes. i was wishing this day would never end.

we read a few books in Barnes and Nobel. moo found some about Elmo. she browsed the shelves with grace. she would make any mama proud. she loves books.

we drove home. ate dinner. washed babies. suited up for bed. her in her piggies. him in his trucks.

it was a magical day. a day i hope i remember forever. nothing fancy. nothing spectacular or grand. just lots of perfect little moments. simple pleasures.

i love them. more than i thought one heart could.


change is difficult. and perhaps more difficult for me. i am routine. my mom said i have possessed this quality ever since i was little. new schedules, new routines disrupt me. so this week has been difficult. a change of pace.

i returned to work. a room with 28 tiny first graders. a new grade level. a wing with different teachers. a team teacher {my partner in crime and saving grace}. just lots of change.

and it's all so strange. i was suffering from cabin fever those last weeks of maternity leave. and now i am suffering from cabin fever withdrawal. weird.

and these two things sum it all up...

Monday, January 23, 2012


i need a nap. a long, undisturbed, rejuvenating nap. i haven't had a full night's sleep since baby D was born. i've been able to get away with it. days filled with mind numbing nonsense make sleepless nights doable. days of sesame street. blocks, legos, drawing, coloring. days of snacking and pajamas. strolling through Target. big decisions like Hot Tamales or Good & Plenties? 

until today. today was real life. the very real world of first grade. 28 of them. 28 to wrangle. 28 questions. 28 papers to pass out. and collect. 28 people wanting to go first. needing to be heard. 28 mini humans in a wiggly line. 

{them} bathroom trips, snacks, shoe laces, backpacks, contraband in the form of toys, water bottles, pencils, crayons, no named papers, noise. {me} pumping at lunch, non existence bathroom breaks, half a snack, diet coke, and incessant hand washing. 

it was {mostly} a success. i would probably do a few things differently if i had the day to do over. my newest friend, and thief, was my biggest challenge. i watched her like a hawk. sure to make my presence know. a new sheriff in town. unfortunately she one upped me in the last moments of class. she also used a few choice words today. she is officially my 'project'... well, one of many. 

so as the adrenaline wears off and as the dust settles, i've come to realize i need a serious nap. ryan and i have devised a plan. rotate nights sleeping in the trailer. i don't know if i can go through with it though. i love that sweet baby D... even in those wee hours.

Friday, January 20, 2012

rose colored glasses

it's happening. the details are slipping. the pain i promised myself i would never forget is slowly disappearing.  my last delivery seems to have a pretty pink lining all of the sudden. i can't help but ask myself how?

how? how did my brain fog itself from this extraordinary event? how did the details become so blurry?

funny how that works. funny how the human population depends on this little trick.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

a day in the life

{i am blatantly stealing this blog idea from auntie m.}

a typical maternity leave day with the added bonus of a doctors appointment.

preface: baby D does not sleep through the night. he does not sleep in his bed. he sleeps in my bed. he sleeps latched to me. i get disrupted sleep. ryan hangs off his side of the bed. baby D is as happy as a clam.

i fight the inevitable... getting up. ryan's getting ready. moo is in and out of the bathroom. slamming doors... next to my head. she spots movement in the bed. 'hi mama!' i play dead. baby D is stirring. ryan's shaver is now humming. i'm becoming more conscious. i go to my happy place. a vision of the coziest, bleach scented, beautiful La Jolla hotel bed the night of our wedding. i tell myself good things come to those who wait. in this case ~ someday i will be alone in a bed and i will have slept through the night.

ryan leaves. i get up. moo is watching sesame street. we eat cereal. Honey Nut Joe O's. baby D in his vibrating chair. relocate the three of us. chair in bathroom. moo and me in the shower. she sings. i scrub both of us. everybody out. clean diapers for all. {kinda looks like an assembly line} clean clothes for all. moo runs back to watch tv while i blow dry. nurse. change her diaper. {impeccable timing. she always poops after the shower. gross. oxymoron.}

grab car seat, diaper bag, kids, phone. in car. twyla tries to run away. i practice patiences... while she runs in the opposite direction. pug wrangling no longer appeals to me. pick up ryan from the shop. papa mark says hello and gives kisses. doctors office... on time... success. complain about lack of sleep. complain about Cry It Out method.

ryan is looking forward to when the doctor has new babies. baby D gets three shots. cries. recovers quickly. get a compliment in the parking lot. load babies. quick stop at post office. {ebay sale success} drop off ryan.

arrive to gg's house. moo frolics in the yard with uncle 'jibby'. baby D nurses. moo comes in. plays with puzzles. demands 'yo' (Yo Gaba Gaba). order lunch from Anny's Fine Burgers. uncle jibby picks it up. moo does a pseudo nap. eat while bouncing baby D. moo starts yelling 'gg' 'mama'. she gets up. go outside. play in the freshly graded dirt. throws dirt at gg. follow cats around the yard. pick up pepper tree berries. go inside. joycie arrives. she holds baby D. moo and gg shower. moo has milk. head home.

moo is asleep three minutes into the drive. i wonder if a successful transfer will be possible. arrive home. nothing good in the mail. ryan's trailer life magazine. bills. junk mail/trash. moo makes the transfer into her crib. baby D makes the transfer into his swing. success... again. ten minutes alone time. check emails. browse facebook. post a pic of my handsome husband.

denied a 'you are practically a stranger' friend request {i need to blog about that topic soon}. baby D starts screeching. nurse. won't take. plumber arrives. baby D in ergo. chat with plumber. baby D is content. wander around to keep baby D happy. eat chips and diet coke.

ryan gets home. reheat left over hominy soup. wake moo. feed her. start bath. get in with moo. practice her letters and animals. add baby D towards the end. pajamas. moo to bed after 30 minutes of rough housing in bed with ryan. baby D nurses. into swing.

it is quiet. i am blogging. he is iphoning/buggy shopping. he can't buy one. he still looks... daily. i guess we all have our quirky obsessions.  

i am crossing all of my fingers and toes. hoping baby D thinks 4 months would be the perfect time to sleep through the night. but... i wouldn't put money on it.

Sunday, January 15, 2012

21 months & 10 days

she :)
makes my heart swell. my throat well up. my mind spin. she sniffs dryer sheets and says 'mmmmm'. she goes to the food pantry and we hear 'hmmmm... let's see'. she wants to eat applesauce all day. she likes eggs, bacon, and toast for breakfast.

she has sass. and spunk. and she is stubborn. like me. 

she is routine. she has a good memory. she knows names and places. her vocabulary is growing. she hums songs. {frere jacques in particular} she wants you to sing them. she loves books. she wants you to read them. 

she throws fits. 

she loves being outside. 

i love that she's my girl. and this love story has just begun.

Saturday, January 14, 2012

mommy therapy

when i was pregnant with baby D i remember reading a friend's facebook post. it went something to the tune of, "it's just been one of those days. i need to get out of this house and away from these kids." she has two little ones. i remember exactly how i felt when i read it. i shuddered. in fear.

i expected that two kids would be more challenging. that i would have 'those days'. i worried about how i would handle it. how the stress would affect me. how would i be able to remain calm? patient? caring? motherly?... sane?

i had one of 'those days' this week. i woke up just feeling off. moo was being rather demanding, like most mornings. she is so similar to me it's uncanny. i feel demanding in the morning too... so it's just not the best place to be. we're both pretty grumped out in those early hours. i blame my genes for her bad attitude. breakfast wasn't ready quick enough. the dvr was taking too long to load sesame street. her blanket was under baby D in the swing... just enough to make her crazy and me crazier.

the day was running pretty smoothly until baby D decided that something was bugging him. he screamed incessantly. he wouldn't latch. walking didn't help. outside didn't help. sitting up, laying down, bounced, still... nothing was working. everything was irritating the poor guy. he finally decided to eat around 2 pm. not eating has NEVER happened before. this child would live on me if it was possible.

by 3 he was happy and content. no signs that he was going to relapse back into that state of misery. i think it may be teething... the first stages.

on that same note, it was the first night of my new bunco group. a group that i was excited to meet. a day i had longed for. a night away. all girls. all grown ups! so the thought of calling in sick the first night, taking baby D to kaiser, possible prescriptions, and follow up appointments brought me to tears. i know, selfish. but i selfishly wanted to get away for a few hours. i wanted to have a drink. wanted to eat delicious food... dessert. luckily for me the stars magically aligned and he went back to his normal self and i got to get out.

while i was contemplating my decision, i was running this hypothetical conversation in my head. something like:
doctor: what seems to be the problem here? what are his symptoms?
ryan: ummm, well... he was crying... more than usual. he wouldn't nurse.
doctor: what do you mean? what exactly was he doing?
ryan: ummmm.... i wasn't there but my wife said he wouldn't latch on. he kept crying.
doctor: how long did this happen? did he have a fever?
ryan: ummm... i'm not sure. my wife just said he cried... a lot.
doctor: where is your wife?
ryan: bunco.

who does that? right? who leaves their husband to take their excursively breastfed, possibly sick, baby to the doctor... alone? how crazy would we have looked? as parents? as a partnership? that doctor would have thought i was a whack job. luckily this only took place in my brain and not in real life. luckily kaiser didn't have to write a little note in our file that i was some dead beat mom who buncos it up instead of taking her baby to urgent care.
{p.s. i wouldn't have gone if he continued with his symptoms. he really did snap out of it. ryan said they had a great evening. he was snug as a bug when i got home.}

my first night of mommy therapy (bunco) was a success. it was so fun, relaxing, hilarious. all the girls seem to mesh. the food was outstanding. the margaritas were delightful. i even won baby bunco- the last bunco of the night.

it was just what i needed. i came home happy. i missed my babies and the husband. funny how four measly hours can reboot you. refresh a tried mom. make you miss those same creatures that earlier were driving you crazy. funny how therapy works.

and i appreciate therapy sessions that include alcohol and cinnamon gummy bears.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

hidden oasis

kids are messy. i knew this before i had kids. i work with kids. lots of them. messy ones. i actually have a hard time with a messy house and a messy classroom. you can ask previous classes what i hate. they'll probably rattle off five or ten different things. one will include messes.

i'm that a teacher that stops to clean up many times a day. i don't release to recesses or lunch until it's tidy. when my maternity leave ends (T minus 6 days... but who's counting?) i return to first graders. scary, tiny, messy first graders. i'm honestly worried. how tidy can a first grader be? how tidy can 28 first graders be? why on earth will i return to 28 first graders? 28!?... entirely separate post.

so we shall see. i'm sure i'll have plenty to write about soon. at home we have a magical architectural design. i would like to thank whoever designed this house. the layout. smart.

our hidden oasis is the upstairs landing. it's my kid zone. hide all the toys zone. experiment with color and design zone. that's what i've been working on during these last weeks. baby brain didn't strike nearly as badly with baby D. i feel like my creativity is back. and openness to change and a little experimenting.

when you arrive upstairs it's pretty obvious that kids run the place. but that's what i want upstairs to feel like. fun. colorful. creative. inviting... to other kids too.

another goodwill find. my mom restored it for moo. moo likes to admire herself.

inexpensive ikea frame. i gave moo three sheets of photo paper. i controlled her color choices to exactly two colors per sheet. she used sharpies. i monitored closely.

the best part was when she stopped coloring, leaned down, took in a big whiff, and said 'mmmmmm'. oh my... i hope she's not one of those spray paint sniffers when she grows up.

this bookshelf was my parents. it was a dark oak. ryan painted it for me. i love it.

i'm actually a little neurotic. she rearranges it most days. i'm not happy until it's just so again.

all the heavy duty books are low. easy for her to access. i put 'rip-able' books up high. out of her reach.

she has yet to try to climb the shelves. the bookshelf is mounted to the wall.

this was in my nursery. she likes to touch it after her afternoon nap.

the name of the game is buckets. lots. every thing in its place... a place for every SINGLE thing.

moo's room.

her thailand elephant. my parents brought it back after visiting my brother in phuket. before she was born.

 outside her bedroom.

the thailand monkeys my parents brought home for me.

baby D's new slogan. Home Goods.

his artwork. printed off the internet onto photo paper. Target frames.

my methodically placed office. i can keep on eye on the play area from here. if there's one thing i've learned from teaching... if they're out of sight, you're in trouble.

cozy couch for the grown ups.

i like it. it's really starting to come to life. it's been a work in progress for awhile now. and i hate to 'rush' a room. or a space. i think i'm starting to break out of 'survival' mode and get back to my normal 'me' mode :)