Saturday, May 26, 2012

mommy pride

last night we went to a dinner party. there were a lot of new people. it was cool weather and we were mostly inside. i was a little nervous about my 'loose canon' of a child. she does a lot of cool new two year old tricks.

she can: scream at the top of her lungs. push things away she doesn't want. throw herself to the ground. hit her head. scream even louder. she can be completely and totally irrational {don't know who she inherited that from}.

ryan and i have had the pleasure of experiencing all of that. and too often it seems. so naturally, i was a little concerned about the dinner. what 'tricks' might she pull out for these strangers.

and to my pleasant surprise she was wonderful. like 'yes, that is MY sweet girl... i will take ALL the credit'. i was swooning.

i felt joy as she played with other kids. as she tossed the tennis ball nicely. proud when she listened. as she petted the cat lovingly. as she said 'oh tiny kitty' in her high pitched voice. when she interacted with other adults.

and i felt this sense that maybe... just maybe we are doing this right. all the nice comments. 'she's so cute' 'she's talking so well' 'oh, look at her!'

too many nights i lay in bed thinking... how do you do this? i'm so not good at motherhood. why does she hate me? do i raise my voice too much? i surely let her watch too much tv. damn... i didn't brush her teeth.

as i recapped the night, i felt an overwhelming sense of mommy pride. she was so good. she was so sweet. she did so well.

in all honesty... she did eat 3,000 peanut m&m's and scream when we sang 'happy birthday.' so, not perfect, but pretty close considering our normal amount of hiccups ;)

Thursday, May 17, 2012


i loved the idea of teleporting while reading The Time Traveler's Wife. other than that, it's to sci fi for my brain.

although somehow while listening to the radio, which is actually very rare for me, i was instantly teleported back to 9th grade. when an overly played sublime song came on. can we give up on that band yet? i actually kinda hate them. it just represents this entirely awkward stage in my life. my first year of high school. my first boyfriend. my first break up... which sounds more dramatic than it was.

and as i think about it, all these silly details come back. and it's almost too embarrassing to write about. to admit to. the mini romance that happened more in my head than in real life. the break up over the phone. me returning to the kitchen counter afterwards and watching my mom cook dinner. like nothing happened. i don't even think i told her.

i had this fortune from a cookie. and it said something like 'your greatest wish will come true'. and i would look at it everyday after that phone call. him changing his mind was the wish. i believed that. and every night as i turned off my lights i would read that fortune. i wondered when it would happen. when the wish would come true. you know... since fortune cookie fortunes ALWAYS come true. so silly. so, so silly. i know.

the greatest wish wasn't for him to change his mind really. it was to be loved. and by him not changing his mind left my life open to bigger and better things.

when i look at my life today my greatest wish{es} have come true. i was just hasty back in 9th grade. i didn't have faith in time.

i guess the moral of the story is like that line from a country song,
'sometimes i thank god for unanswered prayers'

and sublime songs are outdated.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

potty training trials and tribulations

i started this post 5 days ago. but we were still in the heat of the battle. so i waited. really... so i didn't have to retract any bragging. you know how it goes. the minute you talk about one of their new fabulous tricks, they prove you wrong. and she still might.

but... today is day 9 and i can officially say it. she's potty trained! woo hoo! the last three days... no accidents. not one. not even sorta of. she's even waking up dry from bedtime and naps.

we have not put a diaper on that sweet little rump in nine days! i can't believe it myself.

we went with the three day method. and i think there should have been a little more in the preface on that method. or maybe there was, but i skimmed that page. yes... it took less than three days to 'click' but about 7 to 'sink in'. i almost felt defeated on day three when bodily functions were not being contained to my comfort level. and i thought i was doing it all wrong. and i wanted to quit.

but... i didn't. and despite my overly clean husband and my hatred of germs, we stuck with it. and she did too. she is very much inspired and motivated by chocolate. chocolate chips. 'in a bowl' to be exact.

so... we got lucky on this kid. pretty sure the next guy will be our wild card.

and we still haven't ventured out much. i am literally having nightmares about the minute she yells out 'potty' and we are nowhere near a bathroom. or the thought of her body on a public toilet seat.

{day one. naked yard day.}

Monday, May 7, 2012

if it wasn't for her...

i wouldn't be sharing a contract. i wouldn't have the sanity working three days a week brings me. i wouldn't have time to blog or sew or sneak moments of silence. i wouldn't be a happy teacher or a happy mama if it wasn't for her.

i trust her like no one else. with my career. with my friendship. with my heart.

if it wasn't for her...
i wouldn't know the joys of san elijo. vg's donuts. no bake cookies.
i wouldn't understand the meaning of 'be a compliment to your husband'.

i wouldn't have met her three sisters that are so alike and so different and so fun. or that they have a family cheer.

i wouldn't have met her mom. the mom that told me everything i needed to know about labor. and the sister that told me i could do it.

i wouldn't have experienced a yosemite wedding in the fall.

if it wasn't for her...
i would have taken myself too seriously. perhaps buckled under the pressure of those first few years.

i wouldn't have known how quickly i could jump out of my seat. when fireworks started going off underneath me.

if it wasn't for her...
i wouldn't have some of the best memories of my life.

i wouldn't have a partner in crime. a lifelong friend.

in the six short years i've known her, she has taught me so many things.

you are an inspiration to me. everyday.  

Friday, May 4, 2012

friday night

oh how life changes.

it's friday night. 9:04. my jammies have been on for hours. kids are tucked in. ryan's researching who knows what on my phone. i'm guessing something related to guns, cars, and/or boats. i'm lucky these are his true obsessions in life. because if you follow my instagram, you know i have been eating entirely too much dessert lately. and loving it.  

i am upstairs. preparing for work. double and triple checking pinterest for the mother's day craft.
printing their pictures to add to the gift. giggling at their tiny smiles. hearing their voices.

reading random blogs. wanting to finish that dr. pepper in the fridge. wondering if i'm getting old. if i might need glasses someday soon.

this is the randomness i think about. i'm also admiring my shellac nails... freshly painted. and loving them.

Tuesday, May 1, 2012


someday i won't be his number one girl. his favorite. the love of his life.

someday he won't fit on my hip. it won't be appropriate to nuzzle my face into his neck and make him squeal in delight. someday he won't cry when i leave the room.

someday he will find someone new. hopefully wonderful. that fulfills him. that compliments him. that makes him happy. in all the ways a mother can't.

and that will make me happy. for that is my responsibility.

so while i am his girl... i will cherish every moment.

and remember this...