mommy pride

last night we went to a dinner party. there were a lot of new people. it was cool weather and we were mostly inside. i was a little nervous about my 'loose canon' of a child. she does a lot of cool new two year old tricks.

she can: scream at the top of her lungs. push things away she doesn't want. throw herself to the ground. hit her head. scream even louder. she can be completely and totally irrational {don't know who she inherited that from}.

ryan and i have had the pleasure of experiencing all of that. and too often it seems. so naturally, i was a little concerned about the dinner. what 'tricks' might she pull out for these strangers.

and to my pleasant surprise she was wonderful. like 'yes, that is MY sweet girl... i will take ALL the credit'. i was swooning.

i felt joy as she played with other kids. as she tossed the tennis ball nicely. proud when she listened. as she petted the cat lovingly. as she said 'oh tiny kitty' in her high pitched voice. when she interacted with other adults.

and i felt this sense that maybe... just maybe we are doing this right. all the nice comments. 'she's so cute' 'she's talking so well' 'oh, look at her!'

too many nights i lay in bed thinking... how do you do this? i'm so not good at motherhood. why does she hate me? do i raise my voice too much? i surely let her watch too much tv. damn... i didn't brush her teeth.

as i recapped the night, i felt an overwhelming sense of mommy pride. she was so good. she was so sweet. she did so well.

in all honesty... she did eat 3,000 peanut m&m's and scream when we sang 'happy birthday.' so, not perfect, but pretty close considering our normal amount of hiccups ;)